


Night Time

by Lackyducks



Series: This Madness of a City [4]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: GTA AU, Gen, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, Panic Attacks, Tell me if anything else should be tagged, Vomiting, because i clearly suck at it, hence the tags, someone please protect the b team, someone who isnt me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 07:49:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6648676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lackyducks/pseuds/Lackyducks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kdin awakes with a gasp.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Night Time

**Author's Note:**

> Kdin uses feminine pronouns here. Confused as to why? Check here: http://simplycrazyhunter.tumblr.com/post/143165086124/hey-kdin-ive-been-a-big-fan-of-you-and-i-think 
> 
> Future fics will change depending on the time they take place in the time line but I'll try to stick to female pronouns where I can.
> 
> Also, this is being posted since my other work is more of a prologue. Plus this hints at two of the backstories. Oops.

Kdin wakes with a gasp.

The penthouse is dark, and her mind is a flurry of panic as she throws the duvet off her bed. She takes deep breaths, takes a moment to recollect her thoughts. She is not there, as the dark blue walls covered in photos and pictures remind her. She is not in a grey box with no windows, with nothing but a dangling light and a mattress. It still feels like it and she feels as if something- some _one_ is stood on her chest because she can't _breath_ . She doesn't know if the room is getting darker or if she is passing out. There's a lurch in motion, her head spins and she's barely able to grab the bin next to her bed before she is throwing up, throat screeching at her to _just_ **_stop_ ** _._ There's no sound outside besides the whirring of a fan and white noise. She sits, gasping, until she's able to stand, walk to her bathroom. She doesn't turn on the light, just looks at herself in the mirror.

She thinks to Val, to Tony, and how ‘ _despite everything, it's still you_ ’ and wholly understands the words. It feels so foreign, seeing herself, seeing how much has changed in seven years - two years. The person in the mirror still doesn't feel like her, they are too _human_ , too _real_ and they live, breathe, talk-

No words come to her mouth. They get stuck in her throat, in the sickliness and the scratchiness. She notices she is crying but cannot bring herself to fully realise it. The sky is blue, water is wet, she is crying. She grabs the mouthwash and pours some out, swirling it in her mouth until she can only taste mint. She spits it out, wipes her face down with towel. There's one more glance at herself before she steps out. She picks up a blanket from the bed, wraps it around her shoulders. Pushing the door open feels as if she's opening a hole in a forcefield. The white noise is a little louder in the hall, and it covers the gentle pads of her feet against the floor.

The television is on, she observes. It's only playing infomercials, a background noise to the silence. Kdin steps forward, hoping to reach the kitchen. There's someone on the sofa who peeks up, no, two people. Kdin can barely see them, it's dark and she didn't think she'd need her glasses. She continues to the kitchen, reaches to collect a cup.

“Bad night, too?” One of them speaks. Trevor, Kdin's mind supplies. Having a voice to the figure helps her pick out the features, the familiar hair and (tired) smile. Kdin looks at him, shrugs, and hopes it conveys what she can't voice. “Want to talk about it?” Trevor offers and it freezes Kdin's movements because she _can't_ because she's broken and she's an idiot- she doesn't _deserve_ any of this.

“Kdin? Hey, come here, Trevor can get you a drink.” The other person speaks, Caleb. It's not surprising to Kdin, the two are known for staying up together, afraid of what they'll see if they shut their eyes for too long. She feels stupid for not suspecting they'd still be awake.

Somehow, she ends up in Trevor's position anyway. Caleb settles her against them, pulling her almost onto their lap. It's comforting, despite it all, as Caleb's arms loosely wrap around her. Trevor forgoes Kdin's plan for simple water, pours out milk and sticks in the microwave. He takes it out before the alarm, adds hot chocolate mix and brings it over to the two. He places it gently on the coffee table and curls up on Kdin's other side. He hums when he finally settles.

“Do you ever wonder how different things could be?” Trevor asks, voice gentle in the darkness. Kdin could laugh at that, as if it wasn't something that haunted her in the depths of sleeplessness. If she hadn't accepted the job, hadn't met the person, if the slowly assembling B-Team hadn't found her. It spirals from there, and it's a dirt track she prefers not to travel.

“I could've never gotten involved in crime.” Caleb says, thoughtfully, “There might not be an _us_ if I just became a normal doctor, with a normal job.” They go quiet at the thought and the idea sits with them, because for such a bold statement it is true and _oh_ how different things would be. Kdin can see the lines, the small events leading off into so many others, suddenly close off and the world is very, _very_ different. She scowls because it is not a good change. There are no winners with that change.

“I feel my life was very linear.” Trevor breaks them from their thoughts, “Nothing was in my power for a long time and now I look back and wish I'd taken the chance, the opportunity to claim my own life far earlier than I did.” Caleb nods and Kdin can agree with that. But Kdin can remember being a teenager with intellect she didn't know what to do with. She can remember his dad, can remember taking the baby steps into hacking. She cannot remember his mum taking up prostitution to pay for her. She cannot remember being forced into it barely at the age of thirteen. She doesn't have the image of a dead mother permanently imprinted in her mind. She can't remember it because it was not her past. Trevor can remember it because it was his. Kdin doesn't think she would ever have taken control of her life, if that was what she remembered.

There’s another set of footsteps and the three of them glance up, seeing the outline of Steffie in the doorway. She smiles at them but she looks so, so tired. She holds an empty cup in her hands and her stance is slumped, defeated. Trevor shuffles up further on the sofa, Kdin moving fully onto Caleb. She huffs an almost silent laugh, places the cup on the counter and settles into the gap.

“Want to share why you’re up?” Trevor asks, and Steffie sighs, leans back properly into the sofa.

“It’s just one of those nights,” She says, then adds as if it needs clarifying, “When all the death, all the killing, it just gets too much.” All three nods and Trevor puts an arm around Steffie, pulls her into him. She falls into his shoulder.

“Well, welcome to the party. Kdin’s nonverbal right now, right?” Caleb looks to Kdin, and she nods, still not confident enough to try speaking again. Steffie smiles encouragingly at her and it’s like a blessing. The four settle into silence, in the dead of night and with only the quiet murmurs of television. They’re pretty sure it’s Caleb who falls asleep first. The past few days have been busy, nobody’s heists seem to have gone well and they even ended housing a few of the Fake Haus guys as they recovered from bullets gone awry. Kdin appreciates Caleb, appreciates the energy and effort they put into everybody. They never seem phased by all the near misses, all the times it’s cut too close. It’s only nights like this they give any indication that they aren’t, just, okay. Steffie smiles when she notices and Trevor laughs when she nudges him, points it out. Kdin rolls so she puts less weight on them, spreads it more evenly.

It’s Trevor after that. He slumps more heavily onto Steffie and both of them watch as he slips away. He becomes less tense, a ragdoll against her side. When Steffie slips her hand into his hair he just hums, nuzzles into her touch without thinking. It’s not much longer before he’s fully gone. Steffie looks over at Kdin, smiles at her.

“You feeling any better?” She asks and Kdin shrugs. She places her now empty mug down on the coffee table, gives Steffie her full attention. “Any progress on that voice box?” Kdin scowls, tries to hum. It makes a small noise and she smiles. “That’s good. You wanna talk about what’s bothering you or no?” Usually Kdin would feel affronted by this, but it’s Steffie, and it’s nice to have people care about her. She knows Steffie wouldn’t be offended if she said no.

“Nightmare.” She says, “I think it set off a, a panic attack? I threw up.” Steffie frowns, reaches over the best she can to squeeze Kdin's arm.

“Remember to eat something when you wake up. I’ll try and make breakfast for us, but still.” She says. Kdin nods at her and she seems content with that. Steffie makes the best breakfasts. “Anything else?” She prompts. Kdin shuts her eyes.

“I just- I don’t feel real sometimes? I look in the mirror and it isn’t _me._ I’m not that, I’m not that person.” She shudders, squeezes her eyes tighter, “I thought I was back there and it just didn’t seem right suddenly, it didn’t feel like I should be _feeling_?” She opens her eyes again, and Steffie’s face is soft, understanding. Kdin knows it shouldn’t, but it surprises her anyway.

“Tell me if it keeps happening, okay?” She requests, “I won’t tell the others but if it keeps occurring it might be dissociation. I’ll do more research about it for you.”

“Thanks, Steff’.” She says, and Steffie shakes her head.

“Don’t mention it.” She replies. Kdin notices, outside the windows, the slightest glimmers of light. She feels tired, incredibly so. She reaches over, across Trevor, and gently takes Steffie’s hand. Kdin settles back against Caleb, shuts her eyes. She hears Steffie’s light laughter. Steffie squeezes her hand, whispers, “Sleep well.”

She does.

* * *

 Lindsay walks into the living room, the sunlight shining bright through the windows. She is in the kitchen before she even notices the television still on. She steps lighter, peers over the sofa to smile at the sight. The four are still sat wrapped together, bodies curved around each other. Kdin is on Caleb, her legs hanging off Trevor. Trevor and Steffie sleep against each other and one of Trevor's arms wraps around her. His other rests on Kdin. Kdin's hand reaches around Trevor, holds Steffie's. Caleb has both arms wrapped loosely around Kdin. The sunlight bounces off their hair in the mid-morning light.

Lindsay takes a picture and moves quieter. The heist planning can wait for later, today.


End file.
